Now Playing Tracks

  • 90s Animal Planet:

    Animals are cool, kids! They can be your friends! But watch out, some are dangerous! Ooh, watch Jeff Corwin handle the most venomous snake in Africa! Aw, look at the tiger babies! Oh, let's learn about conserving the environment! Remember kids, we must respect this planet, because it's the animals' home as well!

  • 2013 Animal Planet:

    ANIMALS WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. And guess what? PARASITES WILL TOO! Yes I know those aren't really animals, I guess. OH YEAH HERE'S SOME PSEUDO-SCIENCE ABOUT BIGFOOT. He's an animal too, right? WATCH THIS WOMAN GET EATEN BY HER PET CHIMPANZEE. ANIMALS ARE SCARY, KIDS. BE CAUTIOUS AROUND YOUR PET LIZARD OK. oh look kittens!

  • ~~~~~

  • 90s History Channel:

    Here kids, we're gonna talk about this society today. History from all time periods and all countries. Isn't this stuff fascinating? Watch us dig up a tomb!

  • Early 2000's History Channel:

    So there's this guy named Hitler. And he's pretty bad. Let us tell you how bad Hitler is. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. More Hiltler. Hey have you heard about this guy named Hitler?

  • 2013 History Channel:

    Aliens moonshiners aliens rednecks aliens pawnshops aliens aliens aliens hey have we mentioned aliens because aliens

  • 2014 History Channel:

    Was Hitler an Alien?

You know what hurts?

Your chest due to your heartrate being elevated for the past four hours because the drunk man next to you on the plane won’t leave you alone and you’re terrified that you’re going to be assaulted
Your back because you spent the past four hours twisted so your body is facing (and sqished against) the window in the hopes of creating distance between you and this man
Your head because you’ve overheated because you refuse to remove your hoodie and blankets (and also because of the strong scent of alcohol)
Your stomach because of the affore mentioned headache and overheating and alcohol smell
Everything because you can’t stop shaking from fear.

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